Older Woman / Younger Man Relationships: Wonderful Experience But Not for Everyone

Older Woman - Younger Man

I will start out this article with a confession: I have only dated significantly older women. If I were to analyze myself, I would probably have to assume that my attraction to older women began as a child. I grew up surrounded by mature women and have always felt at ease in their presence.

Oh, and I’m also physically attracted to mature women. All of the things that are supposed to be detriments – winkles, gray hair, loss of firm skin – I find beautiful.

Please Note

Now, this isn’t an article to “lure” women towards me. In an earlier article I spoke about the joys of being single and I’ve meant it. But still I want to share my viewpoint on the subject of “intergenerational” love.

Older Women Are People Too

Without being guilty of confessing too much information, my first experience was with a much older woman. In a sense, it programmed me into seeing older women in a different light. Women do not become automatons, devoid of feelings as they age. Society seems to want to put them on a shelf and forget about their emotions and needs.

The Joys of an Intergenerational Relationship

There is a mutual, unspoken compliment about being with someone outside of the “acceptable” age range. The woman might feel honored that a younger man would show an interest in her. The man might feel flattered that a woman would risk her reputation on him, not to mention all of the available older men she could have chosen instead. Together, sharing each other’s life can be a truly beautiful experience.

The Bittersweet Aspect

The negative side to such a relationship, especially if the age difference is significantly great, is knowing that your partner will in all likelihood pass on first. Death cannot be avoided. But one must ask oneself – Is the joy of the relationship and all that follows worth the risk? To me, the answer is an absolute “yes.” I would rather spend five or ten years with a woman that I love than spend 50 with a woman I only tolerate. Besides, life is unpredictable, and there is always a chance I could go first. But it is a serious subject to consider when pondering a May-December relationship.

What Could You Possibly Have in Common?

That’s a common question, and a fair one at that. But once I see past the age difference, many commonalities emerge. I have a love for classical movies, I love music of all sorts – including the big band era, I like to do creative activities and crafts like crocheting, I love to read books, and to take nature walks. There are a lot of possible similarities if one will only look for them. It isn’t only about sex.

Not for Everyone

People tend to gravitate to their own kind, whether it is race,gender, religion, or age. Many women would never conceive of being with someone much younger. Other women, if not most, prefer the companionship of even older men. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Everyone is an individual and has his/her own limitations.

Note to Younger Men

If you are attracted to an older woman, and she is not interested in having an intergenerational relationship, leave her alone. Trying to convert her will only alienate her more. If you can be friends, learn to be happy with that. If you cannot accept that, it’s time to move on. There are other women out there, and some are bound to be interested in the idea of dating a younger man.

A Brief Word on Sex

There is a terrible misconception that older women must be more experienced sexually. This is not always the case. Many have lived rather mundane lives, and their sex life is no different. Don’t confuse real-life with Hollywood and pornographic movies. If the topic of sex should arise, start slow and be very patient. And make sure you truly love her. Love is the greatest aphrodisiac there is.

Should I or Shouldn’t I?

An intergenerational relationship is a difficult choice for most women. After all, younger men are not as apt to be financially sound, inexperienced in the ways of life, and could still show signs of immaturity. As I said before, everyone is unique, so maybe these aspects will not apply to you.

But then there is the social issue to contend with: “How will others perceive me?” “How will my friends accept this relationship?” “What will the children say?” These are very important questions that must be addressed early on while you are still objective. Once love enters the scene, it will be harder to deal with these issues.

Then there is the issue of children. It’s a moot point if the woman is past menopause, but some women in their 40s or so might be confronted with their younger partner about wanting children. This is a decision that must be made early on. If he is adamant about having children and you are not, he needs to move on. There have been too many fights and broken relationships over such matters.

Final Thoughts

Intergenerational relationships can be richly rewarding. It (hopefully) matures the younger partner and helps the older partner stay youthful. But like all relationships, it takes work and dedication to make it a lasting experience. It may not be for everyone’s liking, but then you only have one life to live. Who is going to decide for your: complete strangers or yourself.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to be in another relationship, but I can guarantee you this: if I do, she’s going to have to be older then me.