The Joys of Being Single: One Isn’t the Loneliest Number

I was in a relationship that lasted nearly 14 years. Some marriages don’t last that long. We broke up because of the significant age difference between us, and the fact that her children wouldn’t understand how their mother could be with someone so much younger. (I’m not going to get into the specifics of the age difference – It’s all just math to me in my opinion.)

But this article isn’t about age differences (That will be another post someday). It’s about becoming single once again and enjoying it. After our relationship ended, I tried to date other women. One in particular seemed promising at first, despite the fact that we met through the Internet – Always a risky proposition.

Needless to say, it was a giant fiasco. But in another light, it was also enlightening. I realized I didn’t need to be with someone to be happy. In fact, I’ve come to prefer being alone.

Now this isn’t a case of giving up on love due to disappointments. On the contrary, being alone has allowed me to learn more about myself: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I already have one strike against me – I’m atypical bipolar with uncontrollable depressing mood swings. While this may be a problem in a relationship, it’s something I’ve learned to live with on my own.

Without sounding egotistical or self-centered, I’ve grown to like myself since I’ve been single. I don’t feel like I have to put on an act to impress someone. I can just be me.

Some of the advantages of “singlehood” include:

You can confront yourself on your own terms. It’s amazing how many people are strangers to themselves. They’ve grown to identify themselves through their partners that they don’t know who they really are. Learn who you are, even if you are already committed to someone.

There are no power struggles. It amazes me how manipulative I was when I was in a relationship, and how easily I was manipulated. The balance of trying to make your partner happy while staying alert to your own needs can be frustrating. Now I am responsible only to myself.

It’s easier to remain objective. Some may disagree, but I find that without romantic love I can be more logical in my dealings with other people. Love, while a wonderful emotion, can also “fog the brain.” Try and think of some of the foolish and embarrassing things you might have done out of love.

You have no one to blame but yourself. One should learn to be responsible for oneself, regardless if alone or in a relationship. But it’s easier to learn your faults when you only have yourself to blame. This doesn’t mean to become self-deprecating. It just simply means to realize your limitations and cope with them.

Make friends with yourself and you are never truly alone. It’s taken me a long time to befriend myself – It was no small task, believe me! But once I did, I’ve found that life is so much easier to navigate. I now have a friend for life.

I have nothing against love, romance, partnership, or marriage. Each have their strengths and beauty. But if you find yourself without a partner, it’s not the end of the world. You can still enjoy life without sharing it with someone else. Experience life through your own eyes – You won’t be disappointed.